I went to Starfleet Ball because they had 3 Blake's 7 guests (although Michael Sheard's B7 connection was not advertised!) and a number of my friends were going - this was my first experience of a commercial con and it wasn't quite what I was expecting...

See my pics here Starfleet Ball pics and you'll also find pics of the event on Steve Rogerson's site and Bob's Callyfornia site.

So What's the Story?

FRIDAY
I desperately wanted Emma to come to this with me as I hadn't seen her for ages and the last con I went to without her was fraught to say the least! (Cult TV 2000).  After a suitable amount of persuasion and outright bribery, she agreed to come along.  First order of the day was for us to collect Emma at the airport and then we headed down the M3 to sunny Bournemouth.  This only took a couple of hours and I got my first inkling of how different this con was going to be when I saw large yellow AA signs directing us to the con shortly after we hit Bournemouth.

This was starting to look scarily official!  I was comfortably reassured by the lack of parking spaces at the hotel - when will hotels learn to book spaces with rooms?  We barely made it there in time for registration - no latecomers or straggler s allowed at this con!  Emma parked herself on the sofa and I checked us in and we headed off towards our room by following other people with luggage.  Big mistake.  The room numbers on each floor were listed in the lift, but ours wasn't on there!  We went up in the lift anyway and peered out as each floor went past, but no luck.  Finally we went back to reception, who reminded us that they had pointed out a different lift for us to use, which was located in the opposite side of reception.  Yes, the hotel was in fact in two parts and you had to go through the bar and reception to move between the parts and no, they hadn't put all our group in the same part...

Got to our room eventually and unpacked, discovering that Emma had brought 8 ballgowns and no daywear and I had packed 15 pairs of knickers.  This went a long way towards restoring our own peculiar sense of normality.  We headed down to the bar, passing more confused people with luggage on the way.  Pauline had kindly booked for us to eat at the hotel restaurant.  The restaurant had placed us on separate tables of 4 in the same area, so we pushed all the tables together to allow conversation to take place.  This irritated the head waiter somewhat and he quickly got his own back with his "hands up for soup/2 serving technique.  The food was pretty average and very expensive for what it was.  The snack food was also expensive, as were drinks at the bar.  I collected mine and Emma's teleport bracelets from Diane, who'd kindly brought them with her.  They are made by Martin Bower and are absolutely superb!  Contact Diane at Horizon if you want one too.

After dinner we dressed up in our St Trinian's gear.  Steve looked slightly uncomfortable in his outfit, complaining about how the under-wired bra was digging into his ribs!
The hotel was far too hot most of the time and it was impossible to turn the heating off entirely or to open the windows more than an inch.  This meant we were faced with a huge dilemma as to whether to stay on the sofa (near the bar but also next to a radiator) or move nearer the doors (no sofa, but cooler) - the sofa won.

Noticed there was a bar in the dealers room  - a nice touch.
The disco shut at midnight - the same thing happened on Saturday and Sunday - is this a Trekkie thing? - can't imagine any hotel imposing a midnight shut down.

SATURDAY
We were given the 3rd degree by hotel staff blocking the entrance to the dining room about Emma's breakfast on Saturday morning - apparently she hadn't been checked in properly so she couldn't come in!  Had a huge row with reception over that afterwards and got my revenge by cooking all their toast - yes, this was very much a DIY sort of breakfast and the large conveyor belt type toasting machine that most hotels use was self service at this one.  Managed to jam it completely with bread and then went off and ate fruit after all...

Next up was the opening ceremony, which largely consisted of a pre-recorded tape with loads of stuff about Friday on it.  The organisers kept insisting that we had to have fun, but it sounded more like a threat to me and I didn't unpack the spud guns I'd brought with me as I suspected that real fun was strictly against the rules.

All the talks I attended were generally interesting (all the B7 guests and Hattie Hayridge), but too many of the questions came from the pre-printed list of general questions sellotaped to the podium.  Emma had met Robert Picardo in the lift and not knowing who he was, proceeded to tell him that they were in the s*** part of the hotel... I think he referred to that conversation in his talk.

The highlight of the con was meant to be the Starfleet Ball party on Saturday evening.  We would be "introduced to the thronged masses" by an international Toastmaster we were told and we would be "seated with your friends in banquet style, served a sumptuous meal and be amazed by a wandering entertainment's" (direct quote - dodgy grammar is all their own work).  Ha!!! what really happened was:

We were kept waiting at the front of the hotel in the cold with door open because someone had decided it would be a Good Thing to go into the ballroom from the outside entrance.  Then we were made to go outside in the rain through deep muddy puddles in our ballgowns.  We had a lovely picture taken by their photographer (last photo on my pics page) and then faced a huuuge queue to pre-book wine as we came down into the ballroom (surely it would have been easier to put wine on the table and include it in the cost of the meal?)  The Gala meal itself was horrible - we were served a fixed amount of everything whether we wanted it or not - we watched them counting potatoes - the lamb was tough and fatty, the veggie option was a turnip pie and the soup was definitely Heinz.  We had to ask 4 times for a jug of water to be replenished...

After the meal there were several presentations to various trekkike groups.  This was mildly disturbing and after a while seriously boring for the significant proportion of attendees who weren't Trekkies.  I tried to persuade Steve to go and collect a prize, just to confuse the proceedings but he wouldn't.  The fancy dress came and went in a haze of costumes, my favourite one being Max's slave boy out fit, which didn't even win a prize.  The cabaret was brilliant and woke us all up again...I'm sure that Adam Bloom's joke about secretly sticking nicotine patches on your partner to make them think that they're pining for you when what they've actually got is withdrawal symptoms would have inspired many that night!  Once again, the disco ended prematurely at midnight.

SUNDAY
Sunday morning it was breakfast in bed for me and Emma - cheese on toast, chocolate ice cream (definitely Lyons Maid) and hot chocolate.  We felt happy enough to get out of bed after that, but were interrupted by the fire alarm.  After waiting a bit in case it was a false alarm, I got dressed in whatever was to hand - top, trousers and evening shoes, no underwear or socks - and headed towards the fire escape, which was worryingly difficult to find.  We got out eventually to face harsh daylight and noisy sirens. apparently there really was a fire, but it had been easily contained.  Noticed that nobody had come to get Emma (she had asked for assistance in the event of fire).  I got accusing looks and 5 SMS messages accusing me of starting the fire with the toaster...Sniff!

The Sunday guest talks and events were an exact repeat of the Saturday ones - even the timing was the same...why??  In the end we spent a lot of time hanging around the bar, because there really wasn't much else to do. we commandeered a sofa and made our own entertainment by redesigning the Starfleet application forms and cutting out pictures from the Sunday papers...

The evening kicked off with the Weakest Link quiz, which was fun to watch - John's natural competitiveness combined with the effect of the Jack Bastards (double Baileys and double Jack Daniels) Bob had plied him, with meant Emma and I had soon started a campaign to have him voted off as early as possible!  Despite our efforts he made it through to the second to last round and probably would have won if he hadn't been voted off then.

I did my civic duty and rescued baby from an uncomfortable looking Hattie Hayridge.  I gave it back to it's parents when it became moist at both ends though.  The karaoke was predictably awful, with one or 2 exceptions (Emma and Bob).

Later that night Diane kindly let us have a sneak preview of the Deliverance videos - they were superbly edited and had a relaxed and friendly but professional air about them - I'm certainly going to buy a set to make up for not being there!

MONDAY
We decided against breakfast and after the usual protracted goodbyes, we headed back to London...  the AA signs didn't work as well backwards, but we got out of Bournemouth eventually, tired and hungry - the usual end to a con.

Overall impression? - This is a con I would never revisit without the lure of several B7 guests.  I'd probably also go for just the Saturday on a day ticket.